Why can't Argentine supermarkets get their act together and modernise?

The best offer in our area is the 40% off all wines at Coto on some Thursdays; a supermarket that's way off the chart in terms of filth and inefficiency.

For that kind of deal however, I am prepared to make some sacrifices.

This morning we went to the dreaded Coto at 0950 to beat the queues which normally build up later and so that we could buy booze early at the stroke of 10.00 (you can't buy it before then).

Anyway, we achieved most of the objectives in what I normally handle as a military operation and just as we were leaving the cheese area I spotted some tasty Cracker Barrel US cheese, so I threw one into the trolley hoping they could price it up at the till. That's when the premonition flashed through my mind.

Anyway, the miserable bloke at the till - you know the one that has the 'I couldn't give a fuck' look on his face - couldn't get the Cracker Barrel to register on the bar code reader, so he called a woman over who may have been a supervisor. She then waddled over as slow as you like with a quick upward tilt of her head as if she really couldn't be bothered, took the offending cheese and plonked it on the customer service counter, then started chatting with her mates.

When we'd paid for everything else (eventually) we wandered over to customer service and said 'The cheese?' 'Oh yes' came the reply and then she waddled, cheese in hand to the other end of the building. Five minutes later she returned saying that they couldn't sell us the cheese as it hadn't been entered into the system yet.

I then asked why it was on display in the first place and she replied 'I wouldn't know since cheese is not my sector.'

I then asked when precisely I could buy the cheese. Maybe tomorrow was the I couldn't give a fuck reply.

I kid you not and this episode is just another example of the complete and total apathy in this country. They simply do not care any more.

What is it with me and Coto, the stack em high, in your face supermarket?

Anyway, Adri wanted to go the larger one on Maipu, Olivos at 1300 today and I said I'd join her just to keep her company, which I knew was a bad idea.

I become a tad murderous in Argentine supermarkets after three seconds.

This one has a car park the size of a postage stamp, so I volunteered to sit in the queue while she went on ahead as the advance party, which is just as well, since I didn't make it in until 20 minutes later, jostling for a space to dump the car.

There's something about the smell of Cotos, which reminds me of bad drains and sewers, and so often I'm tempted to talk to management and ask them why they don't clean up their act.

As luck would have it, Adri had almost filled up the trolley by the time I tracked her down and I quickly threw in the odd item so as to make the journey slightly more worthwhile.

We were even permitted to purchase Cracker Barrel cheese on this occasion, can you believe?

As usual, the checkouts were choc a bloc, so instead of carrying out harakiri on myself, I snapped a few shots for Google maps, to be uploaded with my review later today. I mean, what else can you do whilst waiting for the twenty questions and the endless reams of paperwork?

Here are a few samples for your delectation.

Erm, no you haven't. It's till a fucking dump.

Quote from serafina

Isn't that harakiri?

Well spotted serafina

I had to dash out for a couple of things this evening and it was a toss up between Coto, the Chinese or Carrefour.

My decision was swayed by wanting a spin out on the bike, my dread of Coto and not being able to use a card in the Chinese, so I went for Carrefour in Olivos.

I had to take a lie down when I got back ten minutes later, because I was in and out in less than five minutes, all the tills were open and I didn't have to queue.

Miracles do happen sometimes.

When I go to any supermarket here, I always carry out the exercise with military precision and only turn up when the least amount of fellow sufferers are expected to be there, otherwise it's BOHICA.

This morning I had a clear and present objective: approach Disco (Maipu, Vicente Lopez) at 1000 zulu time, from the north, park the bike on the forecourt and reconnoitre, ensuring that enemy combatants are minimal, otherwise it could be FUBAR.

Once that is established, lock the bike, but ensure it's facing the downward ramp for a rapid getaway.

Enter store, deposit military Bergen with overweight I couldn't give a fuck security guard, head directly for the objective and secure the assets, taking care not to be diverted by enemy distraction techniques (for they are many and belicose).

Ignore the single cashier out of ten that is actually open, but with fifteen in line and silently smirk as you head for the much heralded auto-checkout.

Scan the assets with the weapon provided, remembering that on each and every other occasion that you've inserted yourself into said store, the device refused to behave automatically requiring assistance from the store commander.

Follow instructions on the device screen, hit finalise purchase, swipe your card (which isn't accepted), wave your arms around as if you're calling in an air strike at the RV or LZ.

Swipe the card again, but this time much faster as if you really mean it, input the security code, input your ID card number and finally input the last four digits of your mother's social security number.

Secure the assets once more and deposit them post haste into your camo Bergen, ignoring the on-screen message of please take the receipt to the cashier for verification.

Scope the exit, ensuring it's clear of any threats and exfil the area pronto, safe in the knowledge that the operation has been successful.

Don't look back.

SNAFU